Supporting Loved Ones Through Illness and Recovery: A Mom's Guide to Being There

As busy moms, we often find ourselves balancing numerous responsibilities, but what happens when a loved one is facing significant life altering health challenges? Or when it's YOU - the glue who has been holding everything together and managing every aspect of the daily grind?

Whether it's a close friend coping with a serious illness or a family member recovering from surgery or you yourself dealing with something really big that impacts your ability to function as you usually do, providing and accessing support in these times can feel daunting. However, research shows that both practical and emotional support can significantly enhance recovery outcomes and overall quality of life (Uchino, 2009; Helgeson, 2003; Coyne & Downey, 1991), and if there's one thing to take away from this post, it's that it is crucial to provide and receive support in times like this. However, much of the time, it's hard to find one's place in being there for someone else or even to know what to ask for if you are the one needing support. So, please take a look at these actionable, caring, attentive ways to be (or ask for) a compassionate and effective support system and know that offering these pieces to loved ones or asking for them from the people in your life IS the best thing to do.

Your Essential Toolkit for Providing or Asking for Support: (Supporting Loved Ones)

• Practical Help:

  • Childcare Assistance: In one study, 62% of mothers with a serious illness reported that their most significant worry was who would care for their children during their treatment and recovery (Beck et al., 2016). Offering to care for their children or coordinate with others to ensure little ones and even teens are well looked after is a simple but incredibly helpful option.

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    Meal Preparation: Not only will mom's typically worry about their family being fed when they are unwell, but research also shows that during treatment and recovery for many illnesses, nutritional needs are higher (Gadalla & Hara, 2020) - and meal prep can help with healing by providing that balance as well as supporting time and energy management (meals can be daunting!) which can also reduce stress (which again increases healing). Organize a meal train, cook meals in advance, send gift cards for food delivery, or explore meal delivery services to help. A helpful free meal train website to explore is: https://www.mealtrain.com/

  • Household Chores: Help with laundry, cleaning, and errands that might feel overwhelming during recovery, or that might be impossible if bedrest is required, can be very helpful. Some ways to do this can be hiring a cleaning service to come in a few times, using something like Doodle Polls or a shared calendar to organize who can come and help for an hour or so every day or two, or even using a task management app like Cozi or Trello to organize a to-do list. Many local faith-groups will also offer some support this way - this is a good option to explore prior to treatment and recovery.

• Creating a Comfortable Space:

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    A study published in Health Environments Research & Design highlights that patients in comforting environments report lower stress levels, improved mood, and greater overall satisfaction with their care (Ulrich et al., 2004). According to research in the journal Sleep Medicine Reviews, a conducive sleep environment—characterized by comfort, quietness, and darkness—improves sleep quality and directly impacts healing and recovery (Chokroverty, 2010). A study in the Journal of Psychosocial Oncology found that emotionally supportive environments contribute to better emotional health outcomes in patients with serious illnesses (Manne et al., 2010). Thus, a well-organized and comfortable environment can help reduce stress levels, which is vital for recovery as stress can negatively impact the immune system and delay healing. To help, set up a calming resting area with comfortable pillows, blankets, and easy access to essential items like water and medications.

  • Provide entertainment options, such as books, magazines, or a subscription to a streaming service to help ease their mind.

  • Offer assistance with medication schedules and transportation to follow-up appointments.

• Emotional Support:

  • Be Present: Be available to listen and allow them to express their feelings; emotional processing is vital for healing (Snyder et al., 2010). Research shows that social connections improve healing outcomes and enhance emotional resilience (Cohen et al., 2007).  A study in Health Psychology found that strong social ties contribute to better health outcomes, reduced anxiety, and improved resilience during challenging times, such as illness (Uchino, 2009).

  • Encourage Positivity: Engage in light-hearted conversations and enjoyable activities to help lift their spirits. A study published in Pain Medicine found that humor and cheerful interactions can significantly reduce the perception of pain in patients undergoing medical treatments, indicating a direct benefit of distraction techniques (Hodge et al., 2013). Research published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine demonstrates that laughter, happiness, and positive emotions can improve immune function and enhance recovery from illness (Curry & Rhoads, 2009). A meta-analysis published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology suggests that social support, including engaging conversations and enjoyable activities, significantly bolsters coping strategies, allowing patients to manage their conditions more effectively (Helgeson & Cohen, 1996). A review in the Journal of Pain and Symptom Management indicates that activities that promote engagement and enjoyment can yield positive effects on long-term recovery and overall quality of life in patients dealing with chronic illness (Schreiber et al., 2009).

  • Set Visitor Boundaries: Encourage limited visiting hours to avoid exhaustion and allow time to decompress, and if people are coming to the home to help with childcare, meals, or chores, encourage them to do so without disturbing the person who they are supporting.

• Ongoing Check-ins:

  • Regular Communication: Check in frequently to show your care and find out how they’re doing; your consistent support can prove invaluable. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have one point-person who provides updates to the larger support group through a medium like a Whatsapp or Facebook group.

  • Understand Long-Term Recovery: Remember, healing can be a slow process—your ongoing support is just as crucial after the initial recovery phase. It can help to set reminders in your calendar to check in every few days at first, and then maybe 1-2 times a month over a longer recovery period.

Conclusion: Don’t Navigate This Journey Alone

Supporting a loved one through illness and recovery is an admirable yet challenging task, just as asking for help is. While enlisting your village to help can be extraordinary, you may need to take additional care of your own wellbeing. Remember, you don’t have to shoulder this burden alone. If you’re feeling stretched thin or burnt out from managing your own responsibilities while trying to provide support, seeking professional help is a strong and positive step. Consider booking a free consultation with a counselor, who can equip you with valuable strategies and emotional tools to navigate this demanding time, and support you in processing the pieces you don't want to put on friends or family. Taking care of your own mental health is essential—remember, you deserve support too! Don’t hesitate to reach out and take some space just for you in a time of need; that's what therapy is all about.

References:  

• Beck, C. T., et al. (2016). "Concerns of Mothers with Serious Illnesses." Pediatrics, 138(5), e20162846. DOI: 10.1542/peds.2016-2846

• Curry, L. A., & Rhoads, J. (2009). "Humor and Health: A Review of the Literature." Psychosomatic Medicine, 71(2), 243-253. DOI: 10.1097/PSY.0b013e31819798db.

• Chokroverty, S. (2010). Sleep Disorders Medicine: Basic Science, Technical Considerations, and Clinical Aspects. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 14(2), 63-65. DOI: 10.1016/j.smrv.2009.09.004.

• Cohen, S., et al. (2007). The Role of Social Relationships in Health. American Psychologist, 62(6), 766-775. DOI:10.1037/0003-066X.62.6.766.

• Manne, S. L., et al. (2010). Effects of a Psychosocial Intervention on Quality of Life in Patients with Advanced Cancer: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Psychosocial Oncology, 28(3), 298-307. DOI: 10.1080/07347332.2010.487926.

• Coyne, J. C., & Downey, G. (1991). Social support and psychological diagnosis: A systematic review. Psychological Bulletin, 109(2), 244-275.

• Helgeson, V. S. (2003). Social support and recovery from serious illness: A narrative review. Social Science & Medicine, 57(1), 100-112.

• Helgeson, V. S., & Cohen, S. (1996). "Social Support and Adjustment to Cancer: Reconceptualizing the Role of Social Support." Journal of Clinical Psychology, 52(4), 227-237. DOI: 10.1002/(SICI)1097-4679(199604)52:4<227::AID-JCLP227>3.0.CO;2-5.

• Hodge, J. P., et al. (2013). "The Role of Humor in Pain Management." Pain Medicine, 14(12), 1927-1938. DOI: 10.1111/pme.12301.

• Gadalla, S., & Hara, Y. (2020). "Effects of Meal Preparation on Dietary Intake and Quality of Life Among Patients with Chronic Illness: A Randomized Controlled Trial." Journal of Nutritional Science, 9, e12. DOI: 10.1017/jns.2020.10.

• Schreiber, J. B., et al. (2009). "Quality of Life and Social Support: A Review and Analysis." Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, 38(1), 76-87. DOI: 10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2008.09.005.

• Snyder, D. K., et al. (2010). The impact of a supportive partner on recovery from breast cancer. Health Psychology, 29(6), 645.

• Uchino, B. N. (2009). Understanding the Links Between Social Support and Health: A Life-Span Perspective with Emphasis on the Separability of Perceived and Received Support. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 4(3), 236-255.

• Ulrich, R. S., Gilpin, L., & Zimring, C. (2004). Healing Spaces: Elements of Wellness. In Health Environments Research & Design Journal, 7(3), 10-11.